I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
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Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
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First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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