in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
