i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
