just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
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If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
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I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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