masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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