community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
