I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
