just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
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We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
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After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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