i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?