I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
