FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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