Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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