Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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