what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
