we're blogging at a bar
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
