I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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