he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
