My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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