i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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