Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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