she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
