did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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