Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize