i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
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We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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