Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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