The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i think i just naturally attract stoners
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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