Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think pants incapable of making pants work
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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