3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
