First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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