did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
