Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
