the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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