I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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