someone get that fucking seahorse.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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