I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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