She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
