i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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