Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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