I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize