woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
