Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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