when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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