This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
