I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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