He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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