she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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