I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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