just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize