Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
