His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Boobs speak an international language.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
