I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
50% drunk capacity currently
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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