New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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