I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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