I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize