I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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