I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
