Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
