I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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