In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
