Will you blow on my dice?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
3pm strippers are depressing
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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