also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
