How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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