My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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